Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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