WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
