wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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