I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the liver wants what the liver wants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
