He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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