This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
