Will you blow on my dice?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
