from now on my penis is your penis
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
