Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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