**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize