Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
