I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
