god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
