i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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