Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
