so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
