I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
