so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
