his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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