I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
