Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
