Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
