What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize