Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
