:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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