i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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