I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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