So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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