After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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