if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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