that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
