yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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