dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
