gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
