I think my fart just growled at me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
