I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
