i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
