where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
