oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
