Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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