I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
