I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
