she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
