i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
