Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
