quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
