I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize