Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
