please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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