It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
