dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
