And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
