Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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