I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
