I must be too annoying 4 u.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
