I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
