You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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