Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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