thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The adults are the big ones right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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