I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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