Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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