she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
