he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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