wanna go halves on a baby?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
