I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
