Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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