Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
A+ Viking dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize