And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
