You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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