Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
