their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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