Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
