I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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