yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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