Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
